and so it was apparent
that what was truly plaguing me was my loneliness. is my loneliness.
it always happens this way and it happened again.
Did i fuck up? maybe a little.
So Disappointment’s girlfriend sought me out on facebook and started asking me about my involvement with him. Naturally I hesitated and told her only that at one point he and I were involved, but then she asked when we were involved. Now I don’t know when they officially started seeing each other or dating or whatnot, so I didn’t know what to say to her. She told me she’d caught him cheating on her last week and just wanted to know. I asked if he’d said he’d cheated with me and she said no, but that since he’d deleted me off of facebook she was suspicious.
I told her to ask him about it, but again she asked if we’d been seeing each other after a certain point and I thought I was in the clear because we hadn’t been since that point, but then she clarified and it was actually earlier that she was talking about. I told her what happened and when and that it ended directly after that night. (I didn’t tell her it was because I found out about her the next day and decided on my own to stop seeing him and that if I hadn’t found out then nothing would have changed, but oh well.)
He lives with his friends who are also my friends and I’m constantly at their house hanging out. I’ve only gone there once to see him and that was a while back, don’t actually remember when. I was there and he was there with her all the while she’s messaging me about him. Now when I told her about that I figured she’d do one of two things: 1) keep it to herself and then just break up with him about the cheating or 2) tell him what I had said and bring me into her mess (granted I’d already kind of welcomed my way into it by telling her those things).
Naturally, she went with option 2.
They were leaving so he could take her home and they walked out, but I think she got my message at that moment because she walked back in to get her overnight bags and left again. The only reason I know she told him is because I received a text from him asking why I was doing this, telling me I was a bad friend and asking me to leave the house. He also asked one of his roommates to tell me to leave. It got to the point where he was threatening me with calling the police because as a renter of the house he has the right to tell me to leave. Funny thing is that my connections to the police in my town are beyond his knowing, so I was not worried there.
In the end I didn’t want to cause any problems or end up getting hit by this guy because as discussed by mutuals friends of ours and I, he has all the makings of a psycho. Did I tell you he is a self-proclaimed Satanist? I didn’t take it too seriously, but apparently he does and is belief system says to take revenge any way necessary so I decided not to meddle with psycho any longer. I didn’t think he’d be this ridiculous about it, but heck life’s funny like that.
My buddy had a talk with the other guys in the house once I left and they came to their senses apparently. The guys are fine with me, he’s not and for now it’d be best if I wasn’t at the house because he lives there. Maybe in time he’ll stop being a whiny cunt and I’ll be able to go over.
I didn’t do anything wrong, I was just honest. Why was I going to protect someone who didn’t give a flying fuck about me? I didn’t look for her to tell her anything, she looked for me. She asked me because he deleted me off facebook and it was suspicious, so in the end this problem roots back to him.
And they call women crazy.
right now…
for better or for worse I am exactly as I appear.
perhaps the only thing I hide is my loneliness.
even though I know I am more than good enough, I am still alone…
casual sex used to be so easy and now it’s just not what I want.
seems that every guy I see I am just preparing for the next girl.
without fail every guy that I have dated or seen since I was 16, has gotten into a relationship with the very next girl after me.
it’s happened again.
I am not like other girls…
things would be easier if I were.
I want to disappear…right now.
